The bishop
has asked me to base my talk off of a recent General Conference talk titled
“Teaching Our Children to Understand” by Sister Cheryl A. Esplin, the second
counselor in the Primary General Presidency. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/teaching-our-children-to-understand?lang=eng
I always
find sacrament talks based on General Conference talks to be especially
difficult to prepare and intimidating to give.
Not only did people just hear the complete talk with all its eloquence and
power directly from an authoritative source, but now they get to hear a random
church member give their version of the talk that was already perfect just the
way it was. It’s like taking people to
a museum and showing them the most beautiful pieces of original art by the
greatest artists in the world, and then telling them to go home and create
their own versions to show everyone. Some
may do a better job than others, but no one really can replicate the
original. With that in mind, please
bear with me. For the purpose of time,
I will not be able to cover every aspect of Sister Esplin’s talk, but I hope
that my words may inspire you to go home and study this talk on your own for I
know that those who take that challenge will be blessed with further insights.
Nevertheless,
I’ve prayed diligently this week that the Lord would give me His Spirit as I
speak to you and that I would be able to deliver the message He desires for
each of you today. I believe and have
faith that as the father of this ward, the bishop was inspired in the topic he has
asked me to speak about today. I pray
that now that your baptismal covenants have just been renewed through the
sacrament and your heart, mind and soul are purified by the power of the Atonement,
that the Spirit may be able to speak to you in greater clarity and that you may
be able to receive the message the Lord has designed specifically for you this
day.
You may
be aware, and it is no surprise, that when members of the Primary General
Presidency speak in General Conference, the Lord often directs them to focus
their remarks around the subject of children.
Having recently served in the primary myself and having young children
at home, I often find such talks to be very meaningful, helpful and
specifically tuned to the guidance I need for my life. I remember when I heard this talk in the
Saturday morning session of Conference that it stood out to me. I felt the Spirit engage my mind to listen
more closely and then study this talk more fully over the next several
months. However, I can easily see how
this talk might have flown under the radar for many people. They could have easily just shrugged it off
as just another talk- well done and inspired but not particularly memorable. Everyone who listens to General Conference
seems to have an ear and heart that gravitates toward talks that seemed aimed
at their particular life circumstances and trials.
Nevertheless,
I know if we consign Sister Esplin’s talk just to the realm of “good talks for
parents” or “good for people who are in primary,” we will truly miss out on the
profound truths that apply to each one of us- no matter where we are in our
lives. This talk is for everyone
because the principles of learning, understanding, growing, and becoming should
be an essential part of the lives of every one of us.
Because
Sister Esplin directed her comments towards parents, much of my comments will
follow the same line of direction. So, may I suggest that for those who may not
as easily relate to the content of this talk, I’d like you to seek the
inspiration of the Spirit to know how to view the role of parent and child in
the context of your own life. I know it
will take more effort than just passively listening, but I know that it will be
worth it for you. I will leave it
between you and the Spirit to determine how this talk relates to each of you.
We have
all been sent to earth with specific missions, purposes and responsibilities. It
is through these formal and informal callings that we will gain the experience
we need to become like our Heavenly Father through the grace of the atonement
of Jesus Christ.
When two
people, especially members of the Church who are covenant making people, use
their divine gift of agency to decide to bring a child into this world and into
their family, they are committing or even covenanting to a very specific mission,
purpose and responsibility. They are
agreeing to live in accordance with the terms and conditions of this divine and
eternal calling. But people should not
fear to take on this very special mission for fear of failure or inadequacy. As we strive to keep our side of our
covenants, those same covenants entitle us to the Lord’s help, blessings and
power to help us keep our side of the
covenant.
Listen
for how Sister Esplin describes our parental responsibility and what the Lord
promises to those who take on this responsibility..
She says,
“What a sacred responsibility Heavenly
Father places upon us as parents to partner with Him in helping His choice
spirits become what he knows they can become.
This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater
responsibility than we can do alone, without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly
what our children need to know, what they need to do, and what they need to be
to come back into His presence. He gives mothers and fathers specific
instruction and guidance through the scriptures, His prophets, and the Holy
Ghost.”
How
thankful we should all be that our Heavenly Father has not left us alone in
this sacred responsibility. And He has
even given us specific instructions that we can refer to as we search the
scriptures and the words of the prophets and live in tune to revelation from
the Holy Ghost. But what are those
specific instructions? It would be nice
if I could easily give you a condensed summary
of these instructions however, that is
an ongoing topic that is so grand in scope and scale and is still ever
expanding through personal revelation. Therefore
we cannot cover it fully at this time. So
instead I urge you to seek, ponder and pray to find and receive that
instruction from the proper sources.
So, while
we cannot focus on all parental responsibilities,
we can focus on the one that Sister Esplin speaks primarily about- and that is
helping our children to understand. And
what exactly should we help our children to understand? In deciding what to focus on, we must
recognize that there is a lot of truth in the world, but not all truth is
created equal. There are many important
things that parents must teach their children that will help them to have balanced
and productive lives. But parents must
be wise. Some truths are much more
important to focus our time and energies on helping our children understand. We have a limited amount of time with our
children while they are young and in our homes. Wise parents will know and understand themselves that the things
of eternal significance should be at the top of the list as to what we must
help our children to understand.
Sister
Esplin explains that in latter-day
revelation through the Prophet Joseph Smith found in D&C 68:25, the Lord
instructs parents to teach their children to understand the doctrine of
repentance, faith in Jesus Christ, baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost.
She
further instructs us to “notice the Lord
doesn’t just say we are to ‘teach the doctrine’; His instructions are to teach
our children to ‘understand the
doctrine.’”
But what
is the difference between simply teaching doctrine and teaching children to
understand the doctrine? How do we know
if our children understand the doctrines we are teaching them? There are no standardized tests for this
kind of thing. Then how do we test for
this understanding? How do we know if
we are fulfilling our responsibility? .
She goes
on to explain that “Teaching our
children to understand is more than just imparting information. It’s helping our children get the doctrine
into their hearts in a way that it becomes part of their very being and is
reflected in their attitudes and behavior throughout their lives.”
Notice
the connection Sister Esplin made between understanding and our heart. Teaching and understanding work together but
teaching does not directly cause understanding. Understanding does not come just from getting the doctrine “into the
mind” instead it comes as we get it “into the heart.” There is a difference.
We live
in a society where most of us have participated in many years of formal secular
education. And in secular learning,
there is a lot of emphasis on understanding with our minds- being able to
absorb, retain and then spew out what we learned. But in the gospel, the definition of understanding is
different. It is not about facts,
information or abilities obtained through education or experience. In Gospel terminology, that is knowledge. But
understanding, on the other hand, has consistent and constant relationship to
the heart. An intellectual
understanding of the gospel can only go so far. A rational and logical understanding does not have power to
transform us. We can study the gospel
until our brains melt, but if all that information and knowledge does not
transfer to our hearts and allow the Atonement to work in us and change us to
be like Christ, then that knowledge will ultimately create a greater gulf
between us and God; for unto whom much is given, much is required.
Elder
Jeffrey R. Holland said, “We all
understand that the success of the gospel message depends upon its being taught
and then understood and lived in such a way that its promise of happiness and
salvation can be realized.”
Yet this
is something people of all ages may struggle with- getting the truths and
doctrines of the gospel from their minds down into their hearts so that it
changes their lives. Yes, the process
starts in our minds but it must not end there.
We must think of the relationship between knowledge and understanding as
one of continual growth and development.
Learning should lead to knowledge and knowledge should lead to
understanding which should lead to change and then that will lead to further
learning, knowledge, understanding and change.
But we are not just running around the same track over and over going no
where. We must think of this circular
progression not as a closed circuit but as a spiral. Each cycle moves us closer and closer to God.
In Sister
Esplin’s words, “Learning to fully
understand the doctrines of the gospel is a process of a lifetime and comes
‘line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.’ (2
Nephi 28:30) As children learn and act
upon what they learn, their understanding is expanded, which leads to more
action, and an even greater and more enduring understanding. We can know our children are beginning to
understand the doctrine when we see it revealed in their attitudes and actions
without external threats or rewards. As
our children learn to understand gospel doctrines, they become more
responsible. They become part of the
solutions to our family challenges and make a positive contribution to the
environment of our home and the success of our family.”
So, if as
parents we know that our responsibility is to get our children to understand,
how exactly do we do that? How can we
“make” our children understand? Well
the fact of the matter is, we can’t. The word “make” is not mentioned in conjunction with
understanding. The Lord will not let us
take away our children’s agency in that way.
We simply must understand that understanding cannot be forced.
Parents
must recognize that the Lord is not asking us to do the impossible. The verse in D&C did NOT say that if the
children do not understand, then the parents are held accountable. He simply says that parents should teach
their children to understand. He is not
holding us accountable as to whether or not our children chose to understand
but He is holding us accountable to do our part as parents to foster that
understanding. He is not asking us to
control our children’s hearts. And with
that in mind, the Lord does not judge our stewardship as parents solely on the
way our children “turn out.” After all,
we know that God our Father is the perfect teacher and the perfect parent and
yet 1/3 of his spirit children chose not to understand what they had learned in
the premortal life. Because our children
have their agency, we cannot control their minds and hearts. But there are certain things that we can do
and it is those things that we must do.
Sister
Esplin explains that just as “Nephi
taught that the role of the Holy Ghost is to carry the truth “unto the hearts of the children of men”
(2 Nephi 33:1)- and notice how he didn’t say “into.”- Likewise, our role as
parents is to do all we can to create an atmosphere where our children can feel
the influence of the Spirit and then help them recognize what they are
feeling.”
While the
Holy Ghost can and does certainly help our minds to learn and know truth with
greater power and possibility, it is feasible to get doctrine into our minds
without the help and power of the Holy Ghost.
But only the Holy Ghost can
carry the truth unto our hearts. And
yet, out of respect for our agency, He never barges in and takes that truth
straight into our hearts. Once the
Spirit has carried a truth unto our hearts, it is at that point that we must
use our agency to humble ourselves and open our hearts and then let those
truths sink in.
The great
thing about childhood is that children’s hearts are naturally primed to be open
and receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Notice how King Benjamin describes the character of a child and
how that relates to the Holy Ghost. He
says, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has
been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to
the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man and becometh a
saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child,
submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all
things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon them even as a child doth
submit to his father.”
Adults
can often struggle to retain these childlike characteristics. Thankfully, our children come to us without
needing a major heart makeover. A
child’s heart is a heart that is teachable and ready. That makes our job as parents easier the earlier we start
teaching our children. It will become
harder for you to teach and harder for your children to understand the longer
you put it off. But it is possible and
it is better to start now than wait until you think it is a better time. There will never be a better time to start.
But figuring
out how to teach our children to understand can feel so big and
overwhelming. Thankfully, Sister Esplin
has condensed that enormity of our responsibility. She outlined four main things we should do to ensure that we are
striving in this: She said, “We will teach our children to understand
as we
1. take advantage of every teaching situation,
2. invite the Spirit,
3. set the example
4. and help them live what they learn.”
When it
comes to the first step- “take advantage of every teaching situation,”
Sister Esplin quotes from Teaching, No Greater Call- it says “Sometimes the most powerful way to teach
our children to understand a doctrine is to teach in the context of what they
are experiencing right at that moment.
These moments are spontaneous and unplanned and happen in the normal
flow of family life. They come and go
quickly, so we need to be alert and recognize a teaching moment when our
children come to us with a question or worry, when they have problems getting
along with a sibling or friend, when they need to control their anger, when
they make a mistake, or when they need to make a decision.”
Spontaneous
teaching by the Spirit can often require a higher degree of preparation than
planned regular teaching occasions.
While it is always important to have the companionship of the Spirit,
spontaneous teaching moments do not always come when we are on spiritual
highs. Sometimes we may be having a
rough day and it can be difficult to listen to the promptings of the Spirit. But I know that as we strive to listen and
obey the Spirit, that He will not abandon us in our moments of need. He will help us know what we need to teach
and how we need to teach it. He will
help us to do better and be better than we are naturally. In order for parents to be great gospel
teachers in any situation that may arise, they must live with a prayer in their
hearts that expresses their desire to always be in tune with the promptings of
the Spirit and then they must follow through in living according to those
promptings. Each time we act on the
inspiration we receive, we show the Holy Ghost that we are thankful for the
help He gives us and we open ourselves up to more help in the future.
Sister
Esplin also notes that “Just as
important are the teaching moments that come as we thoughtfully plan regular
occasions such as family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening
and other family activities.”
It is
important to note that we cannot neglect these planned activities and expect to
have the power of the Spirit that comes with obedience. If we see all the teaching that we do as the
weaving of a tapestry, we can view the regular teaching times as being the
horizontal thread, whereas the spontaneous teaching moments add the vertical. Both are needed to create the best results.
Of course
the second thing we must do in helping our children understand is to “invite the
Spirit.” Of course this has
already been emphasized. Whatever
teaching situation we use, we must have the presence of the Spirit in order to
make that situation conducive to helping our children understand what they are
learning. Sister Esplin states, “In every teaching situation all learning
and understanding are best nurtured in an atmosphere of warmth and love where the
Spirit is Present.”
Like she
said earlier, “We must create an
atmosphere where our children can feel the influence of the Spirit and then
help our children to recognize what that Spirit feels like.”
But we
must remember that such an atmosphere does not come naturally and
passively. Hence why she said that we
must create that atmosphere. Creation implies taking something
unorganized and turning it into something greater and better. When we can recognize the signs that our
children are feeling the spirit, we should ensure that we help them to know
that they are feeling the Spirit. We
should do our best to describe what the Spirit feels like to us and the Spirit
will witness of our words to their hearts.
Once they can recognize the feeling that accompanies the Spirit, they
will want to feel it more and more and they will want to live so they do not
lose that feeling.
You see,
the atmosphere is important because of what comes forth from it. It is not what we do that brings
understanding. We are just like
scientists in a lab. We work in the
right kind of environment. We set up
our beakers, test tubes and chemicals and then we put together the right
combinations but what we really need is a catalyst to create the reaction. In the gospel, that catalyst is the Holy
Ghost. We must have the Holy Ghost if
we hope for any chance of success.
So the
3rd thing Sister Esplin says we must do is “set the example.” This is obvious, right? Your actions speak so loud that no one can
hear what you say. As you teach your
children the doctrines of the gospel, please live them. It will change your life and it will change
theirs. But know that perfection is not
required. No one is perfect. We can all do a little better. If you are struggling to live certain aspects
of the gospel, I urge you to repent and turn unto Christ. The call to repentance is for everyone. If you already think you’re doing pretty
good, ask our Heavenly Father what you need to work on, He will reveal it to
you. The Lord will give you strength
and grace through the power of the Atonement to change your thoughts, words and
actions to be more like His. Slowly but
surely and ultimately, our natures will be changed until we are prepared to
live in His presence. This should be
our greatest desire in our own life as well as the lives of our children. As your children see the power of the
Atonement in your life and how it has power to change you for the better, that
will be one of the greatest lessons your children will experience. They will be more open to the Holy Ghost
when they see Him working in the hearts of their parents.
Sister
Esplin says, “Teaching for understanding
takes determined and constant effort.
It requires teaching by example and especially by helping our children
live what they learn.” And that is
why the fourth thing she counsels us to do is to help our children live what
they learn. She quotes President Harold
B. Lee when he said, “Without
experiencing a gospel principle in action, it is… more difficult to believe in that
principle.”
That is
why Sister Esplin includes her 4th point- “help them live what they learn.” If we want to help our children get the
doctrine into their hearts and help them understand it, we must encourage and
give them opportunities to practice what they learn. If you want them to gain a testimony of prayer, teach them about
prayer and help them to pray and then make sure to consistently follow up with
them to see how prayer is working in and affecting their lives. The same with service, tithing, church or
any gospel principle. Create
opportunities to put their lessons into practice. Give them practical help.
And then follow up to help them see how powerful the principle is when
it is lived. We will most likely need
to repeat this process throughout their lives.
When children recognize the cause and effect of living gospel
principles, their hearts will be more open to understand.
Now, I
know I am not an expert on raising a child.
My children are still young and I am still in the trenches when it comes
to teaching my children to understand.
But I have a testimony that the words of Sister Esplin are true and we
will be blessed if we follow them. I
testify to you that helping our children to understand the gospel is possible. “We
will teach our children to understand as we take advantage of every teaching
situation, invite the Spirit, set the example and help them live what they
learn.” It takes time, effort,
practice and most of all, the grace of God.
But I further testify that it is worth it. I testify of the power of the gospel. Jesus Christ lives. He is
real. I know that the power of the
Atonement is active in our lives. I
know this because the Atonement of Jesus Christ has changed my life. And I know it will continue to do so. I testify that parents are not in their work
alone. Our Heavenly Father is the Heavenly
Father of our children as well. He will
do all within His power to help us help our children. If we strive to live worthy of the companionship of the Spirit,
he will inspire our hearts and mind to do what is necessary to help our
children to understand. I know that
those who live with the consistent companionship of the Spirit will be able to
see, hear, know, understand, do, be and become things which others simply
cannot. May we so live is my prayer in
the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
