Sacrament Talk- Teaching our children to understand- June 27, 2012

The bishop has asked me to base my talk off of a recent General Conference talk titled “Teaching Our Children to Understand” by Sister Cheryl A. Esplin, the second counselor in the Primary General Presidency. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/teaching-our-children-to-understand?lang=eng

I always find sacrament talks based on General Conference talks to be especially difficult to prepare and intimidating to give.  Not only did people just hear the complete talk with all its eloquence and power directly from an authoritative source, but now they get to hear a random church member give their version of the talk that was already perfect just the way it was.  It’s like taking people to a museum and showing them the most beautiful pieces of original art by the greatest artists in the world, and then telling them to go home and create their own versions to show everyone.  Some may do a better job than others, but no one really can replicate the original.  With that in mind, please bear with me.  For the purpose of time, I will not be able to cover every aspect of Sister Esplin’s talk, but I hope that my words may inspire you to go home and study this talk on your own for I know that those who take that challenge will be blessed with further insights.

Nevertheless, I’ve prayed diligently this week that the Lord would give me His Spirit as I speak to you and that I would be able to deliver the message He desires for each of you today.  I believe and have faith that as the father of this ward, the bishop was inspired in the topic he has asked me to speak about today.  I pray that now that your baptismal covenants have just been renewed through the sacrament and your heart, mind and soul are purified by the power of the Atonement, that the Spirit may be able to speak to you in greater clarity and that you may be able to receive the message the Lord has designed specifically for you this day.

You may be aware, and it is no surprise, that when members of the Primary General Presidency speak in General Conference, the Lord often directs them to focus their remarks around the subject of children.  Having recently served in the primary myself and having young children at home, I often find such talks to be very meaningful, helpful and specifically tuned to the guidance I need for my life.  I remember when I heard this talk in the Saturday morning session of Conference that it stood out to me.  I felt the Spirit engage my mind to listen more closely and then study this talk more fully over the next several months.  However, I can easily see how this talk might have flown under the radar for many people.  They could have easily just shrugged it off as just another talk- well done and inspired but not particularly memorable.  Everyone who listens to General Conference seems to have an ear and heart that gravitates toward talks that seemed aimed at their particular life circumstances and trials. 

Nevertheless, I know if we consign Sister Esplin’s talk just to the realm of “good talks for parents” or “good for people who are in primary,” we will truly miss out on the profound truths that apply to each one of us- no matter where we are in our lives.  This talk is for everyone because the principles of learning, understanding, growing, and becoming should be an essential part of the lives of every one of us.

Because Sister Esplin directed her comments towards parents, much of my comments will follow the same line of direction. So, may I suggest that for those who may not as easily relate to the content of this talk, I’d like you to seek the inspiration of the Spirit to know how to view the role of parent and child in the context of your own life.  I know it will take more effort than just passively listening, but I know that it will be worth it for you.  I will leave it between you and the Spirit to determine how this talk relates to each of you.

We have all been sent to earth with specific missions, purposes and responsibilities. It is through these formal and informal callings that we will gain the experience we need to become like our Heavenly Father through the grace of the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

When two people, especially members of the Church who are covenant making people, use their divine gift of agency to decide to bring a child into this world and into their family, they are committing or even covenanting to a very specific mission, purpose and responsibility.  They are agreeing to live in accordance with the terms and conditions of this divine and eternal calling.  But people should not fear to take on this very special mission for fear of failure or inadequacy.  As we strive to keep our side of our covenants, those same covenants entitle us to the Lord’s help, blessings and power to help us keep our side of the covenant. 

Listen for how Sister Esplin describes our parental responsibility and what the Lord promises to those who take on this responsibility..

She says, “What a sacred responsibility Heavenly Father places upon us as parents to partner with Him in helping His choice spirits become what he knows they can become.  This divine privilege of raising our children is a much greater responsibility than we can do alone, without the Lord’s help. He knows exactly what our children need to know, what they need to do, and what they need to be to come back into His presence. He gives mothers and fathers specific instruction and guidance through the scriptures, His prophets, and the Holy Ghost.”

How thankful we should all be that our Heavenly Father has not left us alone in this sacred responsibility.  And He has even given us specific instructions that we can refer to as we search the scriptures and the words of the prophets and live in tune to revelation from the Holy Ghost.  But what are those specific instructions?  It would be nice if I could easily give you a condensed summary of these instructions however, that is an ongoing topic that is so grand in scope and scale and is still ever expanding through personal revelation.  Therefore we cannot cover it fully at this time.  So instead I urge you to seek, ponder and pray to find and receive that instruction from the proper sources. 

So, while we cannot focus on all parental responsibilities, we can focus on the one that Sister Esplin speaks primarily about- and that is helping our children to understand.  And what exactly should we help our children to understand?  In deciding what to focus on, we must recognize that there is a lot of truth in the world, but not all truth is created equal.  There are many important things that parents must teach their children that will help them to have balanced and productive lives.  But parents must be wise.  Some truths are much more important to focus our time and energies on helping our children understand.  We have a limited amount of time with our children while they are young and in our homes.  Wise parents will know and understand themselves that the things of eternal significance should be at the top of the list as to what we must help our children to understand.

Sister Esplin explains that in latter-day revelation through the Prophet Joseph Smith found in D&C 68:25, the Lord instructs parents to teach their children to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Jesus Christ, baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost.

She further instructs us to “notice the Lord doesn’t just say we are to ‘teach the doctrine’; His instructions are to teach our children to ‘understand the doctrine.’”

But what is the difference between simply teaching doctrine and teaching children to understand the doctrine?  How do we know if our children understand the doctrines we are teaching them?  There are no standardized tests for this kind of thing.  Then how do we test for this understanding?  How do we know if we are fulfilling our responsibility?  .

She goes on to explain that “Teaching our children to understand is more than just imparting information.  It’s helping our children get the doctrine into their hearts in a way that it becomes part of their very being and is reflected in their attitudes and behavior throughout their lives.”

Notice the connection Sister Esplin made between understanding and our heart.  Teaching and understanding work together but teaching does not directly cause understanding.  Understanding does not come just from getting the doctrine “into the mind” instead it comes as we get it “into the heart.”  There is a difference. 

We live in a society where most of us have participated in many years of formal secular education.  And in secular learning, there is a lot of emphasis on understanding with our minds- being able to absorb, retain and then spew out what we learned.  But in the gospel, the definition of understanding is different.  It is not about facts, information or abilities obtained through education or experience.  In Gospel terminology, that is knowledge.  But understanding, on the other hand, has consistent and constant relationship to the heart.  An intellectual understanding of the gospel can only go so far.  A rational and logical understanding does not have power to transform us.  We can study the gospel until our brains melt, but if all that information and knowledge does not transfer to our hearts and allow the Atonement to work in us and change us to be like Christ, then that knowledge will ultimately create a greater gulf between us and God; for unto whom much is given, much is required. 

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, “We all understand that the success of the gospel message depends upon its being taught and then understood and lived in such a way that its promise of happiness and salvation can be realized.”

Yet this is something people of all ages may struggle with- getting the truths and doctrines of the gospel from their minds down into their hearts so that it changes their lives.  Yes, the process starts in our minds but it must not end there.  We must think of the relationship between knowledge and understanding as one of continual growth and development.  Learning should lead to knowledge and knowledge should lead to understanding which should lead to change and then that will lead to further learning, knowledge, understanding and change.  But we are not just running around the same track over and over going no where.  We must think of this circular progression not as a closed circuit but as a spiral.  Each cycle moves us closer and closer to God. 

In Sister Esplin’s words, “Learning to fully understand the doctrines of the gospel is a process of a lifetime and comes ‘line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.’ (2 Nephi 28:30)  As children learn and act upon what they learn, their understanding is expanded, which leads to more action, and an even greater and more enduring understanding.  We can know our children are beginning to understand the doctrine when we see it revealed in their attitudes and actions without external threats or rewards.  As our children learn to understand gospel doctrines, they become more responsible.  They become part of the solutions to our family challenges and make a positive contribution to the environment of our home and the success of our family.”

So, if as parents we know that our responsibility is to get our children to understand, how exactly do we do that?  How can we “make” our children understand?   Well the fact of the matter is, we can’t.  The word “make” is not mentioned in conjunction with understanding.  The Lord will not let us take away our children’s agency in that way.  We simply must understand that understanding cannot be forced. 

Parents must recognize that the Lord is not asking us to do the impossible.  The verse in D&C did NOT say that if the children do not understand, then the parents are held accountable.  He simply says that parents should teach their children to understand.  He is not holding us accountable as to whether or not our children chose to understand but He is holding us accountable to do our part as parents to foster that understanding.   He is not asking us to control our children’s hearts.  And with that in mind, the Lord does not judge our stewardship as parents solely on the way our children “turn out.”  After all, we know that God our Father is the perfect teacher and the perfect parent and yet 1/3 of his spirit children chose not to understand what they had learned in the premortal life.  Because our children have their agency, we cannot control their minds and hearts.  But there are certain things that we can do and it is those things that we must do.

Sister Esplin explains that just as “Nephi taught that the role of the Holy Ghost is to carry the truth “unto the hearts of the children of men” (2 Nephi 33:1)- and notice how he didn’t say “into.”- Likewise, our role as parents is to do all we can to create an atmosphere where our children can feel the influence of the Spirit and then help them recognize what they are feeling.”

While the Holy Ghost can and does certainly help our minds to learn and know truth with greater power and possibility, it is feasible to get doctrine into our minds without the help and power of the Holy Ghost.  But only the Holy Ghost can carry the truth unto our hearts.  And yet, out of respect for our agency, He never barges in and takes that truth straight into our hearts.  Once the Spirit has carried a truth unto our hearts, it is at that point that we must use our agency to humble ourselves and open our hearts and then let those truths sink in.

The great thing about childhood is that children’s hearts are naturally primed to be open and receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  Notice how King Benjamin describes the character of a child and how that relates to the Holy Ghost.  He says, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon them even as a child doth submit to his father.” 

Adults can often struggle to retain these childlike characteristics.  Thankfully, our children come to us without needing a major heart makeover.  A child’s heart is a heart that is teachable and ready.  That makes our job as parents easier the earlier we start teaching our children.  It will become harder for you to teach and harder for your children to understand the longer you put it off.  But it is possible and it is better to start now than wait until you think it is a better time.  There will never be a better time to start. 

But figuring out how to teach our children to understand can feel so big and overwhelming.  Thankfully, Sister Esplin has condensed that enormity of our responsibility.  She outlined four main things we should do to ensure that we are striving in this:  She said, “We will teach our children to understand as we

1.  take advantage of every teaching situation,

2.  invite the Spirit,

3.  set the example

4.  and help them live what they learn.”

When it comes to the first step- “take advantage of every teaching situation,” Sister Esplin quotes from Teaching, No Greater Call- it says “Sometimes the most powerful way to teach our children to understand a doctrine is to teach in the context of what they are experiencing right at that moment.  These moments are spontaneous and unplanned and happen in the normal flow of family life.  They come and go quickly, so we need to be alert and recognize a teaching moment when our children come to us with a question or worry, when they have problems getting along with a sibling or friend, when they need to control their anger, when they make a mistake, or when they need to make a decision.”

Spontaneous teaching by the Spirit can often require a higher degree of preparation than planned regular teaching occasions.  While it is always important to have the companionship of the Spirit, spontaneous teaching moments do not always come when we are on spiritual highs.  Sometimes we may be having a rough day and it can be difficult to listen to the promptings of the Spirit.  But I know that as we strive to listen and obey the Spirit, that He will not abandon us in our moments of need.  He will help us know what we need to teach and how we need to teach it.  He will help us to do better and be better than we are naturally.  In order for parents to be great gospel teachers in any situation that may arise, they must live with a prayer in their hearts that expresses their desire to always be in tune with the promptings of the Spirit and then they must follow through in living according to those promptings.  Each time we act on the inspiration we receive, we show the Holy Ghost that we are thankful for the help He gives us and we open ourselves up to more help in the future. 

Sister Esplin also notes that “Just as important are the teaching moments that come as we thoughtfully plan regular occasions such as family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening and other family activities.”

It is important to note that we cannot neglect these planned activities and expect to have the power of the Spirit that comes with obedience.  If we see all the teaching that we do as the weaving of a tapestry, we can view the regular teaching times as being the horizontal thread, whereas the spontaneous teaching moments add the vertical.  Both are needed to create the best results.

Of course the second thing we must do in helping our children understand is to “invite the Spirit.”  Of course this has already been emphasized.  Whatever teaching situation we use, we must have the presence of the Spirit in order to make that situation conducive to helping our children understand what they are learning.  Sister Esplin states, “In every teaching situation all learning and understanding are best nurtured in an atmosphere of warmth and love where the Spirit is Present.”

Like she said earlier, “We must create an atmosphere where our children can feel the influence of the Spirit and then help our children to recognize what that Spirit feels like.” 

But we must remember that such an atmosphere does not come naturally and passively.  Hence why she said that we must create that atmosphere.  Creation implies taking something unorganized and turning it into something greater and better.  When we can recognize the signs that our children are feeling the spirit, we should ensure that we help them to know that they are feeling the Spirit.  We should do our best to describe what the Spirit feels like to us and the Spirit will witness of our words to their hearts.  Once they can recognize the feeling that accompanies the Spirit, they will want to feel it more and more and they will want to live so they do not lose that feeling.

You see, the atmosphere is important because of what comes forth from it.  It is not what we do that brings understanding.  We are just like scientists in a lab.  We work in the right kind of environment.  We set up our beakers, test tubes and chemicals and then we put together the right combinations but what we really need is a catalyst to create the reaction.  In the gospel, that catalyst is the Holy Ghost.  We must have the Holy Ghost if we hope for any chance of success.

So the 3rd thing Sister Esplin says we must do is “set the example.”  This is obvious, right?  Your actions speak so loud that no one can hear what you say.  As you teach your children the doctrines of the gospel, please live them.  It will change your life and it will change theirs.  But know that perfection is not required.  No one is perfect.  We can all do a little better.  If you are struggling to live certain aspects of the gospel, I urge you to repent and turn unto Christ.  The call to repentance is for everyone.  If you already think you’re doing pretty good, ask our Heavenly Father what you need to work on, He will reveal it to you.  The Lord will give you strength and grace through the power of the Atonement to change your thoughts, words and actions to be more like His.  Slowly but surely and ultimately, our natures will be changed until we are prepared to live in His presence.  This should be our greatest desire in our own life as well as the lives of our children.  As your children see the power of the Atonement in your life and how it has power to change you for the better, that will be one of the greatest lessons your children will experience.  They will be more open to the Holy Ghost when they see Him working in the hearts of their parents. 

Sister Esplin says, “Teaching for understanding takes determined and constant effort.  It requires teaching by example and especially by helping our children live what they learn.”  And that is why the fourth thing she counsels us to do is to help our children live what they learn.  She quotes President Harold B. Lee when he said, “Without experiencing a gospel principle in action, it is… more difficult to believe in that principle.”

That is why Sister Esplin includes her 4th point- “help them live what they learn.”  If we want to help our children get the doctrine into their hearts and help them understand it, we must encourage and give them opportunities to practice what they learn.  If you want them to gain a testimony of prayer, teach them about prayer and help them to pray and then make sure to consistently follow up with them to see how prayer is working in and affecting their lives.  The same with service, tithing, church or any gospel principle.  Create opportunities to put their lessons into practice.  Give them practical help.  And then follow up to help them see how powerful the principle is when it is lived.  We will most likely need to repeat this process throughout their lives.  When children recognize the cause and effect of living gospel principles, their hearts will be more open to understand. 

Now, I know I am not an expert on raising a child.  My children are still young and I am still in the trenches when it comes to teaching my children to understand.  But I have a testimony that the words of Sister Esplin are true and we will be blessed if we follow them.  I testify to you that helping our children to understand the gospel is possible.  “We will teach our children to understand as we take advantage of every teaching situation, invite the Spirit, set the example and help them live what they learn.”  It takes time, effort, practice and most of all, the grace of God.  But I further testify that it is worth it.  I testify of the power of the gospel.  Jesus Christ lives.  He is real.  I know that the power of the Atonement is active in our lives.  I know this because the Atonement of Jesus Christ has changed my life.  And I know it will continue to do so.  I testify that parents are not in their work alone.  Our Heavenly Father is the Heavenly Father of our children as well.  He will do all within His power to help us help our children.  If we strive to live worthy of the companionship of the Spirit, he will inspire our hearts and mind to do what is necessary to help our children to understand.  I know that those who live with the consistent companionship of the Spirit will be able to see, hear, know, understand, do, be and become things which others simply cannot.  May we so live is my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.