Trek... and the "novel" to follow

We got back from Trek just over a week ago and I am just barely getting around to posting on my blog about it- I find it’s quite a project. Firstly, I have to say it was an AMAZING experience! Please forgive me for the novel that is to follow but I couldn’t seem to condense it and yet cover what I felt was necessary- and believe me, I've left out lots of stuff. I totally understand if you don’t want to take the time to read everything but for those who do, I hope you will find it worth your time. I didn't take as many pictures as I would have liked to since I was just too busy to keep pulling out my camera but there are some that I hope you will enjoy.  I know that only those who were there on this trek will truly understand fully just how amazing it really was but I will try my best to give all others a sense of our experience and emotions. Nevertheless, I am sure that the depth will not transfer over into writing as well as I would like but at least having it on a blog will hopefully help me to remember how I felt.

I guess the beginning is the best place to start (so bare with me for just a minute) …

Most of my friends did a Pioneer trek when they were in their teens but since I didn’t join the Church until I was 20, I of course missed out on going on a trek. My friends had told me stories and it seemed they had a great time but I had never really thought of myself as missing out on anything until a couple years ago. So, about that long ago we were attending some family event and we ended up going to Kole’s parents’ ward and their sacrament meeting speakers just happened to be giving talks about their trek that they had just returned from. It sounded like such a fun and spiritual experience.  I left the meeting thinking “I really want to go on a trek.”  Kole left thinking the exact same thing. And the Spirit was like “You should do that.”

The problem is, it is a lot of work to plan and execute a Trek. Because coordinating a Trek is so time consuming and expensive most wards and stakes only do Trek every few years. And even if it is a year for your ward or stake to go, they usually try to make the Trek more centered on the youth and so not everyone gets to go. They usually only take a few adults along and those adults are usually stake and ward leaders- especially Young Men’s and Young Women’s leaders. Kole and I are none of the above. But last September when the stake announced they were going to be doing a trek this summer, I knew I needed to make an effort to go. So, even as some people were cringing at the idea of having to do a Trek, I asked to go. And then I waited, and waited and waited. After several months passed with no word I eventually gave up hope and figured that they just didn’t need any more adults to go. And then, sometime in April I got a call to meet with President Hyldahl of the stake presidency and he gave me an assignment to do in connection with the Trek and told me that by so doing, Kole and I were invited to go. We were so excited!

Then the work began.  I got to help the kids spiritually prepare for the Trek through the study of the four main principles we would be focusing on during the Trek:  spiritual gifts, sacrifice, courage and gratitude. I also got to help get the trek journals ready- specifically compiling daily principle discussion ideas, scripture references, quotes and other materials for the “MAs” and “PAs” to use in leading their family devotionals as well as writing prompts and questions for the actual journaling setion of the journals. I worked along with the Stake Young Women’s president (Sherry Daniels) and one wards’ YW’s presidents (Kim Ausen). They both were fantastic to work with and so encouraging and capable. I am so thankful for the learning experience that I gained in working with them. Somehow (I wouldn’t doubt divine intervention) everything came together in time. I wish I could show you just how great the journals turned out. But if you ever need an example of what a great trek journal looks like, I would be happy to show you.

But anyways, about 2 months ago, amidst my excitement and anticipation for the Trek, I find out I’m PREGNANT. YAY! Even more excitement and anticipation. (You can read more about it on the last post if you missed it). But anyways, this happy news made me a little worried that maybe this was some hint that I shouldn’t go on the Trek. So I asked the Lord about it. He still said I was supposed to go. I suppose that I could have just left it at that but then pretty quickly the joys of early pregnancy hit me hard. I started getting sick, and sicker and even sicker… all day, everyday. I could barely function. Many days I could hardly leave the couch. As terrible as it was that Kole lost his job, it was perfect timing because I really needed his help at home. As much as I had wanted to go I the Trek, my enthusiasm began to wane and I felt overwhelmed at the challenges I would face. I thought, I can’t even take care of my kids, or clean my house, or eat hardly anything, or do anything active, how in the world am I going to hike mile after mile in the hot July sun, in pioneer clothing, pushing a handcart? And so again (and actually again and again), I asked the Lord about it and over and over (gotta love how patient He is) He told me I should go. And when my doctor gave me the OK, I knew I had no excuses. And with that I decided I would go and hope I lived to tell about it.

I really believe that what the Lord calls upon us to do, He also enables us to do. So, in preparation for my trial I went to the temple and then prayed and prayed that everything would work out for good but I think the extra help I truly needed came through a little something extra. The night before we left for Trek I had Kole give me a priesthood blessing. And ta da, it worked. Seriously, it was a total miracle! I realized just how well it had worked the first morning during our 6 hour ride on a not so posh school bus all the way to the middle of nowhere in Wyoming. Even Kole was turning a bit green from car sickness and I just kept thinking “wow, I feel great! This is not normal.” And it was like that for the next 4 days. I hadn’t felt that great in months! No nausea, no fatigue and I even was able to keep up with the teenagers (which would be a miracle in and of it’s self even if I wasn’t prego). I’m really glad they didn’t have to pack me into the handcart and pull me the whole way. I felt really blessed to not have to concentrate on my own misery but instead to be able to enjoy the whole experience and help others to do the same. Besides Kole I don’t think that anyone else on the Trek even knew about my miracle or even that I needed one.

Of course as soon as I got home it seems the specific blessings Kole pronounced did not extend to my everyday life. Sure enough I felt sick again and even the cold I was beginning to get before the Trek finally hit- but I’m not disappointed. The way I see it the blessing did exactly what I needed it to when I needed it the most. Sure it would have been nice for it to extend a little longer but the Lord is good to bless us with what we need, not just what we want. Sometimes a priesthood blessing removes an enormous burden in our life. Sometimes we are just enabled to carry that burden. Sometimes, the Lord lifts our burden long enough to allow us to accomplish something important- and that’s how it was for me. A friend later asked me why I didn’t have Kole give me a blessing to get over being sick during the rest of my pregnancy. I told her it just didn’t feel right. Not like I would be pressing my luck or something, more like my situation is not a faith issue, it’s just a life issue and we need those kinds of "negative" experiences because through them we can draw nearer to God. I strive to be sensitive to when the Spirit tells me to seek a blessing and when the Spirit tells me that an official priesthood blessing is not expedient. Priesthood blessings aren’t designed to remove our testing and trials in life but they are there to enable us to accomplish God’s will in our life. I’m just thankful that I got to experience my own personal miracle during the Trek.

So, what about the actual TREK???

DAY 1 (Wed. July 7): We got up early- well earlier than I like to get up. We had to meet at the church at 6 am. We had a group meeting and short talk by some stake leaders. Then we broke off into our “Trek families”… We had a "Ma & Pa" (Rob and Marika Robinson) and Kole and I were an aunt and uncle in our little family. We also had 10 youth in our group- 5 guys and 5 girls. There were about 10 families all together and about 150 people total on the Trek including cooks and “behind the scenes” staff. Looking back on everything, it took so much work to make this happen for this size of group and I was impressed at how well everything turned out. We heard that there was another group from the Wellsville area that had over 700 people. Crazy!!! I can’t even imagine the planning that would take- let alone attempting to feed everyone.

Anyways, after a short family "get to you know each other" and a devotional on spiritual gifts (our Trek theme for the day) we loaded the buses and set off on the exciting bus ride to our destination of sage brush and nothingness. Unfortunately, about 2 hours into the bus ride something broke on our bus and we had to turn around and go to the nearest town and wait and wait for it to get fixed. I think that added at least an extra 1 ½ to our little trip. But we eventually make it to camp. Let me tell you, those Wyoming tourism commercials only show the nice parts of Wyoming... that is not where we were.  The LDS Church owns about 100,000 acres of property in Wyoming which encompasses certain Mormon historical sites and camp areas for Trekers. These sites and camps are overseen by senior missionaries who give historical lectures and manage the grounds.

They say the missionaries that work there have to wash their clothes in a special Deet pesticide formula for clothing and I totally understand why… I would have to say the most memorable thing about camp was the epic PLAGUE OF MOSQUITOS. I’m talking Biblical proportions. I am absolutely serious when I say I have never seen nor been attacked by so many mosquitoes in my entire life. I’m positive that anyone who was there would have to agree. Even with layer after layer of bug spray on, they still blanketed our clothes and any exposed skin. I believe that these super mosquitoes have built up a tolerance to bug spray and are now attracted to it. They know when they smell Deet there is fresh blood around. I also ate more than my fair share of them- some found their way into our food and others flew kamikaze missions into our mouths when we were talking. I guess we all got our fair share of extra protein. Yuck! Within about 10 minutes we began to wonder if braving the freezing temperatures of a Wyoming winter was preferable to enduring these tiny bloodsuckers from hell.

But we did in fact survive the swarms and even managed to square dance and play some pioneer games. I vaguely remember some square dancing steps from social dance in high school but that didn’t seem to save me from humiliation. Kole was a master at the stick pull game. Despite the simplicity of the games compared to all we have now, everyone seemed pretty amused by the pioneer merriment.

And then what did we do? We ate and ate and ate. Basically most of our free time was taken up with eating. And the food was wonderful and I was pretty psyched that it didn't make me the slightest bit queasy so I ate a lot of it. They say that the Martin and Willie handcart pioneers were given rations of 4 oz of flour a day to live on. We all carried a zip lock baggie with 4 oz of flour to remind us of their sacrifice. Not surprisingly many of them starved to death. That was definitely not a problem for our group. I walked almost 20 miles over the course of the trek and I still GAINED 5 POUNDS IN FOUR DAYS from all the constant eating. There were many times I would think, “I’m not even a little bit hungry but they are feeding us and the food looks so good, I guess I could eat again.”

Oh, and then I practically froze to death all night.  Good times.

DAY 2 (Thurs. July 8): Up early again (6 am). More food- you can basically multiply this statement about 6 more times for the day. Then family devotional on Sacrifice- a truly inspired and appropriate topic for the day.

Next, an hour bus ride to Martin’s cove and a stop to see Independence Rock along the way. Independence Rock is probably the most famous landmark along the Oregon Trail. It is located on the north bank of the Sweetwater River in central Wyoming. Pioneers from the Oregon, California, and Mormon Trails all passed here, to rest and water their animals, camp, and many to celebrate the 4th of July. If the pioneers didn’t make it there by early July they wouldn’t make it to their final destination before the first snowfall- which in many cases meant death. Anyways, see the picture of those “ants” crawling up that hill. I was not one of them. I know the fear of tumbling to my death is somewhat irrational, but it kept my feet on lower ground while everyone scaled the behemoth. Maybe it’s the paranoia that comes from having clumsy kids but I couldn’t stop envisioning people plummeting the 150 feet to their deaths. Luckily we all survived without even a scrape.

We next headed to the visitors center near the Martin’s cove site and then pulled handcarts over to the trail up to Martin’s cove. This ended up being my favorite day of the Trek. Martin’s cove was a place of great trial and suffering for many of the saints that attempted to cross to Utah during one of the harshest Wyoming winters in history. Men, women and children died here through cold and starvation and their stories are tragic and yet inspiring. I think the stories of the children suffering and dying were the most heart wrenching to me because it made me think of my own kids. As a mother it must have been so terrible to watch your children suffering and not be able to do anything about it. I can’t imagine Eve or Jack having to do and endure the things these little kids did. They saw death and sorrow all around them and still with faith they pressed forward for as long as they could. We heard one story about one little girl names Bodil. She was only 9 and she was in charge of taking care of a 6 year old little boy named Jens because his mother was unable to. The two of them being so little would take several hours longer to get into camp each day compared to all the adults as they battled the storms and snow banks alone because there simply was no one to help them. Even after facing day after day of exhaustion, Bodil was also in charge of collecting sage brush for the fires in the evening. One cold night she went out to do her duty and she never came back. The next day they found her little body frozen to a cartwheel holding the sage brush in her hands. She must have just needed a little rest and so she leaned up against the wheel and fell asleep and she just never woke up. Her little 6 year old friend died that night too. Sadly, her story is not even unique. These little kids started out their journey happy and excited about what lay ahead but before the journey was over they cried themselves to sleep at night for lack of warmth, and food and in sorrow for other family members who had died.  Imagine hearing these stories in a spiritually sacred environment when we're already brimming with emotion and I'm sure you'll understand why I cried a lot.  My eyes were always so puffy from crying people probably thought Kole was abusing me. 

Before actually entering the cove, President Horsley, our stake president, gave us a special talk and a blessing. It was so moving and powerful. His blessing was that of a stake president and though he didn’t lay his hands on our heads individually, his blessing was profound and felt tailored to the needs of each one of us as if he was giving us a father’s blessing. I don't usually think of myself as overly emotional but still I sobbed and sobbed and then sobbed some more but they were all the good kind of tears. He is such a wonderful stake president and I am so thankful for his inspiration and example. I believe most of what he said was too sacred to share publicly and I probably couldn’t remember all he told us even if I could share it but I was totally moved to tears and I wasn’t alone. After his blessing, we all walked individually, single file, about 10 paces apart through the cove and had the opportunity to spend some quality quiet time with the Spirit and listen carefully to what He would have us to know. It was a very sacred time. During our walk we had a family of antelopes, a mom, two babies and a dad walk along side us on our trail and then they came right down to us- they stopped and drank maybe 15 feet away.  They weren't scared of us at all.  It was really sweet.  It made me think that since this place is like unto a temple than surely it is a perfect place for a little family like this.

Next we did a re-creation of the Sweetwater river crossing. For the original pioneers this was a terrifying experience. They had to cross in waist to chest deep water in the middle of winter with ice chunks floating all around. They were already freezing to death and famished and the journals of the pioneers tell how even grown men fell on their faces and wept at the thought of having to cross such an obstacle. For us, it was a welcome relief to the heat we had been experiencing all day and I couldn’t wait to get soaked- skirt and all. Four of our older teenaged guys carried some of the smaller women and others who wanted to cross without getting wet- just like the four teenaged heroes did over 150 years ago. And like them, they went back and forth as many times as they needed to and then stayed to help others wade across themselves. Those guys later recounted during our testimony meeting how powerful this was for them and how much it increased their love for everyone. I can only imagine what a profound impact such a service would have on those four original guys who risked their lives to save

so many others.

DAY 3 (Fri. July 9): Up early again (5:30). Packed up camp to go to a new place tonight. At first we were thrilled to leave the mosquitoes behind but then we began to fear and tremble as we heard the mosquitoes are just as vicious at our new camp. Goodie. I guess we all needed something to help motivate us to finish the journey today, right? Topic of the day is courage- a principle that seemed fitting. This was the day of our main Trek- 10 miles pulling a handcart up and down hills and through river crossings. Thankfully the youth of our little family were spectacular and they were all in super shape. Kole and I joked that our girls were like the women of Lehi’s family- they were strong like unto the men (thankfully we didn’t have to endure the raw meat and bearing babies part). They pulled the handcart mile after mile and never complained. Even when it came to the women’s pull I was totally in awe. They sent all the guys off to the top of a big hill and let the women pull the handcart all by themselves. This was to help us appreciate the pioneer women and the women of the Church.  The pioneer women had to go for days, weeks and months if they lost their husband or father and chances are there were only a couple women to help pull each cart. I know I was definitely meant to be born in this day and age because I am sure I would have died the first week of trying to cross the plains.  We had 5 girls to help pull plus our Ma and me to help push and it was still a struggle.  Nevertheless, this was a very intense exercise for both the guys and the girls. The girls had to use great courage and faith to complete this task and I thought it was a real testament of their character when they spontaneously broke into hymns in order to encourage one another and find the strength to do what they needed to. I know it was difficult for the guys to sit back and watch the girls struggle. Many of them had sisters and mothers on the Trek and when they had to watch them and couldn’t do anything to help; I know it was emotionally strenuous. I was surprised at how tender the guys were and how many of them cried while watching the girls. You usually think of teenaged guys as being all tough and too prideful to show emotion but I was impressed at their openness.  The girls also testified that this was one of the most spiritual experiences of their lives.

So, basically the day included a lot of walking and more walking and then some more walking followed by taking our shoes on and off and on and off as we dragged our carts through a river 3 times. It was long and hot and we were all pretty tired by the end but we all made it and only a couple people got heat exhaustion so we will call the 10 mile trek a success. After another hour bus ride we did eventually make it to our new camp and thankfully the wind was strong enough that the mosquitoes didn’t dare come after the fresh meat.

We ended our day with a youth testimony meeting under the gorgeous stary night. It was a remarkable meeting. I was so impressed and inspired by the youth of our stake. Their testimonies were so heartfelt and pure. It had been a really long time since I sat in a testimony meeting that was so impactful and in which I felt the Spirit so strongly. Of course I cried and cried and I’m sure Kole won’t mind if I tell you that he cried too. At first I thought the youth might be timid to get up in front of their peers and pour out some of their most sacred feelings and beliefs but for over an hour and a half they just kept coming. Many times we would have several stand up at a time and they would have to wait for each other to finish. These kids seem like normal kids when you look at them- they are fun and funny and goofy and they like normal kid stuff but they have this underlying fire of faith and power that radiates from their souls. Kole and I later discussed just how extraordinary and important this generation is. They are so far ahead of where we were spiritually at their age. OK, maybe just Kole and I were spiritual slackers but I still think there is something different about these kids. These youth have such great spiritual depth and maturity. They are so bold and courageous and powerful in their influence for good upon others. I am sure that if the Lord asked them to walk a few 1000 miles, they would do it.  It made me feel confident in the future of the Church and the futures of the youth. I feel in awe of them like I’m standing in the midst of spiritual giants. When I pass them in the halls at church, I’ll never look at them the same again.

DAY 4 (Sat. July 10): Basically just a travel day. Packed up and rode the “ultra-comfy” school bus back to Logan. I never did discover a good position to sleep on a school bus. My bum was completely numb by the time we got home. But at least the bus didn’t break down this time. Hooray! As great as the Trek was, I am happy to be home. Not coincidentally, the daily theme was gratitude. I can only camp for so long when our only “shower” is baby wipes and believe me, when you smell like campfire smoke, bug spray and B.O., you need a real shower. You can imagine just how pleasant that made the bus ride home. By day 4 I was smelly, sunburned, and just plain exhausted. I came to realize that teenagers can definitely live off less sleep than I can. I remember those days. They are long gone. Those little insomniacs would stay up talking until at least 1 a.m. every night (and for some reason they didn’t get the concept that their tent walls were not soundproof so we all got to stay up with them) and then they would turn around and get up (ok, we pretty much had to drag them out of bed) at 6 and still they could go go go all day. There is a reason I came home and slept for 14 hours straight!

So, in the end, what did I take away from the Trek?


Throughout the Trek, we had a lot of time to ponder. At times during our journey, and especially when we heard such heart wrenching stories about the suffering of these saints, I wondered just how inspired the saints of the Martin and Willie companies could have been to set off on such a journey when they knew winter was sure to come and tragedy was so likely. Were they not listening to the Spirit? Shouldn’t the Lord have told them not to go at that point in time? Couldn’t joining the rest of the saints have waited just a few months longer? Why would the Lord allow His people to suffer so much when they were being so obedient? Couldn’t our all-powerful God have calmed the storms and allowed the saints to come to Zion in safety? But in all my pondering I came to realize that this was not a decision they made contrary to the will of God but instead they were being completely obedient. They loved Jesus Christ more than their own lives and they were willing to do anything and everything to follow Him in faith. This was not some happenstance event in the history of the Church or the lives of these saints. I believe they volunteered and were foreordained in our premortal existence to live and die for such a noble cause because the Lord knew He could trust them to do what He needed them to do. They truly believed that sacrifice was not a burden but a privilege. Their sacrifices were not in vain. All that they had to endure had purpose and eternal value for them and for generations to come. It was a sifting and refining process in many ways but also the Lord called some of His best and most faithful servants to experience these trials. They showed such courage to submit themselves to God in all things. Some he called to survive the journey to Utah and others he called to perish along the way but neither group faltered nor failed the mission to which they were assigned. Everyone dies in this life but not everyone dies for a noble purpose. These places we walked were hallowed ground. Wyoming doesn’t have a temple but these sites are dedicated as sacred and holy like unto the temple. They are not just historical sites; they are places where the Savior Himself has walked. I truly believe that those who made the ultimate sacrifice over 150 years ago have remained to serve missions in Martin’s cove and other sacred places - for the veil was thin and we felt their presence and influence there. They are ministering angles in a very real sense and I know that youth and leaders alike saw and heard and experienced things that will leave a deep spiritual impression for the rest of their lives.

Even though we heard lots of sad stories, we were consistently encouraged to not just focus on the tragic things that happened to the pioneers but to focus on the stories of powerful rescue missions. The pioneers lived according to their covenants and by so doing they gave fully of themselves to not just save themselves but bring others to safety with them. President Horsley told us again and again how we too are on a rescue mission. Like the pioneers, we too are under covenant to give of ourselves in the service of others and to rescue those who are unable to rescue themselves. He quoted Bruce R. McConkie in saying how many of us lived a worthy premortal life and were qualified for a millennial birth in which we would be free of the pains, temptations and adversities of life but instead we came to earth in this day and age because we are on a rescue mission. We are here not only to be tested, tried and refined but also to bring others home with us. Like the pioneers we need to rise up to the challenge. It’s time to stand up and be who the Lord has called us to be.

As President Hyldahl spoke to us during our first meeting on Wednesday morning, before we even left the church we knew that we were not truly going to have a pioneer experience- recreating that would be nearly impossible and I don't think parents would be too thrilled about us starving their children to death or freezing their toes off. This trek was designed to be a spiritual experience- an experience that produced faith to do whatever we are called upon to do, just like the faith of the pioneers. Yes, we wore pioneer clothing, and thankfully that included shoes which many of the original pioneers had to do without. And yes, we pulled handcarts for a couple days- but that’s nothing compared to walking thousands of miles day after day through rain, hail, sleet, snow and heat. We had fun pretending to be pioneers but none of us really suffered like any of them during this Trek. But thankfully we didn’t need to in order to be spiritually impacted. Our experience was designed to be so much more than playing dress up. How much good would it do us to hike around the hills and strengthen our muscles but never be spiritually strengthened? Thankfully, I feel the Trek was the spiritual experience it was designed to be- and which we all needed it to be. I truly feel like my Trek experience was a time of spiritual strength and nourishment and though I didn't know I needed it, I really felt that my testimony ended up being strengthened.



For those original pioneers who made it, they continued to build up the Church and not a single one who came by handcart ever fell away from the gospel nor lost their testimony. That is amazing to me. Today, so many people, even the saints, break under the trials of life and they often turn their back on God but the trials of these early pioneers were far weightier than anything I’ve ever experienced or most of us are called upon to endure in our day and yet these hardships didn’t leave them jaded or faithless. I especially like a quote by Francis Webster, a member of the Martin Company. He said,

“We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died from exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Every one of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with Him in our extremities…Was I sorry that I chose to come by handcart? No! Neither then nor any minute of my life since. The price we paid to become acquainted with God was a privilege to pay and I am thankful.”

I too am thankful for the Trek and all my experiences and opportunities to draw nearer to God and come to know Him more fully.  It was really a blessing.